Love in the real world…

A lot had been going on in life and it has been ages since I even wrote anything. I have finally come out of my writer’s block and I decided to write on something that is so obvious yet something that everyone struggles with. So this blog will focus on relationships and what makes it last.

Again, I am no relationship expert so I asked all the couples in my life what a relationship actually is. They have all stood strong against all odds and the tides of time and who better than them to explain what a relationship actually is?

I will not be revealing the names of the couples in order to protect their identity but will give the timeline for how long they have been together. So the question that was asked to every couple was ‘What is love and what is a relationship?

Couple number 1: Been together for 11 years

“According to us, love is being able to be yourself to that person. It’s about being able to do things together while also respecting each other’s personal spaces and each other as well. It’s about being able to have deep conversations while also being weird and goofy with each other. Many people mistake love for whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears and having butterflies in their stomachs. But that’s not love, well at least that is not mature love. A mature love and relationship focuses more on the emotional aspect of things than the physical aspect. It’s about motivating and empowering each other. Overall, love is being able to feel at home with that person. Knowing that you are safe with them. That according to us is love and a stable relationship.”

Couple number 2: Been together for 10 years

“Love is friendship. It may sound out of the blue but it is. A love with a strong foundation of friendship lasts forever. Love is being able to be yourself with that person no matter what. It’s about being able to talk about anything and everything. It’s about being able to come home to that person and talk to them about your day, whether it was good or bad. They are one of the few people you want to tell things to. It’s about being mature but at the same time being able to annoy each other and laugh at it. It’s about being secure in your relationship. It’s about giving in and allowing time for the other person to give in. Teenage love is when you would focus only on the physical aspects of things but a mature love is completely different. It is peaceful and stable. It does not get jealous. Many people mistake lust for love but they are completely different things. Once you connect with the person emotionally, the physical aspect automatically follows. so to sum it up, love according to us is having a deep emotional connection with the other person while also being stable and secure enough to trust the other person.”

Couple number 3: Been together for 5 years

“Love is something that can’t be defined in a few words. To quote a snippet from the Bible, ‘Love is patient, love is kind; it is not arrogant or rude’. It is about dealing with difficulties together. It is about making an effort for the other person. It’s about trying to understand what is holding that person back and helping them get over it. It’s about understanding each other in ways that no one understands you. For example, when one of us is upset, the other one would immediately understand it and ask what’s going on. It’s about picking up the simple cues of the other person. It’s about accepting responsibility. It’s about being together not only through the good times but also through the bad times. This is love..”

Couple number 4: Been together for 2 years

“Love is when you drop everything you are doing to be with that person. It’s about knowing when the person needs you and being there for them. Love is a two-way street, meaning the effort has to be from both the people involved. Love is when you come home from a day of work all tired and your wife hands you a cup of coffee and asks if you are tired and goes on to massage your legs. It’s about understanding. Love is more an emotional connection than a physical connection. If you had asked me this same question three or four years back, my answer would have been completely different and along the lines of physical aspects. But as I grew older, I realised that none of my previous relationships worked and it was because I was focused more on the physical aspects of things. Again don’t get me wrong, the physical aspect is essential. Romance is essential. But it is not the only thing. The emotional aspect is more important. Once you establish the emotional connection, there is no going back and the romance and sweet nothings automatically follow.”

Hearing them speak all this really was an amazing experience. It made me think about different perspectives on what love and relationships actually are. To sum it all up, based on what these couples say I can understand that love is a strong emotional bond that learns to value, accept, motivate and empower each other while at the same time being secure and content with each other.