Writing has always been my source of calmness and zen as it helps me focus on what actually matters the most. During one such time when I wanted to cut myself off from the world and destress myself, I wrote this piece. I have been wanting to publish this for quite some time but decided to prioritise my other blogs.
Back in 2019, I was going through a tough time and I had this key chain custom-made as I needed something to remind me that it was all going to be okay. This quote is from the 2015 movie ‘Cinderella’ and ever since I heard it in the movie, the deepness of it just resonated with me. This quote is so simple yet so complex in the meaning it tries to convey with just a few words.
Fast forward four years and it still continues to serve as a reminder when times get tough and gives a message of hope. Being kind requires courage, especially in situations when it is not easy to choose it. This quote combines strength and vulnerability and shows that the two can exist harmoniously.
Genuine kindness is rare, it is raw and it requires courage to give it. With a lot going on in the world, remembering this will help you out. No matter what happens and whatever curveball life throws at you, just remember to have courage and be kind. I hope this serves as a reminder for you as well!! ❤️✨
Just as this says, your first healthy relationship will be challenging. It will be marred by the trauma that you underwent in your previous relationship. It would be a challenge learning to accept the new and actual normal of mutual respect and understanding.
Another thing that no one talks about is the period in between that. The toxic relationship drains you so much to an extent that you lose faith in love and relationships. It makes you question yourself and your ability to have a meaningful relationship. You are thrown into a whole new world after you decide to cut ties with the person or the other way around. `You are alone, you are drained and you have no idea what to expect in the future. You are afraid to even consider the possibility of happiness in the future.
Trust me when I say that all this is normal. It would take some time to heal and learn to accept that you deserve more. Each person has their own way of healing and the time period taken by them would be different but the healing eventually happens and you would be ready for a love that is healing and deep. No relationship is meant to drain you. In fact, it should be the opposite. A relationship is meant to nurture you and allow you to grow.
The first step towards achieving that journey, at least from what I have seen around, is to accept the fact that you deserve better. If you don’t think that for yourself, no one would. So after you are done grieving, accept the fact that you deserve better and try to open up your mind to new possibilities.
After you have healed and accepted the fact, you might end up finding someone who values and respects you. But again, even that would be a challenge as you are not used to this and you might find ways to sabotage it. You would feel insecure as you are not used to this and would always end up thinking of the worst-case scenarios. Just understand that this is normal and slowly learn to accept that and enjoy the peace and love it brings forth.
One thing that can be inferred from all this is to have faith and never lose hope. Quoting from Shawshank Redemption, “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies. “Where there is life, there is hope and that is something that everyone needs to hold on to for the better or the worse.
Amazon Prime recently released Modern Love: Chennai on its OTT platform and I had been binge-watching it which prompted me to write this blog. Chennai, being my hometown was another factor that made me write on this though I have been meaning to write on this topic for quite some time. Modern Love is inspired by personal real-life essays from the New York Times column Modern Love. The initial season was based in New York and then later on inspired the same concept of different cities in India with the latest being the one of Chennai.
It is an extremely heartwarming series that explores the different kinds of love out there. From a doorman being a woman’s confidant to finding lost love, this series has it all. After seeing the five seasons of all the demographics over the years, it just got me thinking as to what is Modern Love. So what is Modern Love? Each individual would have their own perspective on it but this is my take on Modern love.
Modern love is a concept that exists in today’s day and age but it can mean different things to different people depending on their situations. It is called Modern because the idea of love and the way it is expressed has changed over time. I really wanted to know what the take on Modern love was in today’s society and hence asked people from various walks of life to share their thoughts on the same.
Jaya, an experienced project manager currently doing her Masters in Cork quotes as follows.
“Modern love is love that exists in its many forms…straight love, bi-love, platonic love, love for inanimate things, self-love and their acceptance in any form shouldn’t be scrutinized under any lens even by oneself in bouts of uncertainty.”
Charu, an experienced business development manager currently doing her Masters in Cork quotes as follows.
“Modern love for me is something that doesn’t define my existence but helps me to glorify it even more. I do not depend on his love to give me happiness, but his presence makes my happy days, even more, happier and the low days slightly less upsetting. It is a love that makes me stronger. Everyone today is very ambitious, focused and driven. It is a love that makes my belief stronger and helps me to manifest bigger and better not just for me but also for everyone I care about. It is this love that makes me a better person and accepts me with all the flaws that make me what I am. It is a love that doesn’t question my perceptiveness and gives me space to explore whatever realms I want to be in. He wants me to be his partner for life and not just a mother to his kids or a wife for himself for that matter. He knows I cook perfectly well but he also knows when and why I would need my sip of coffee or a freshly squeezed orange juice. It is a love that respects my individualism and loves to grow with me. It is a love that knows I am emotionally vulnerable and how the nuances of society can mess with my brain, but nevertheless, it is the deep breath that I take at the start of each new day and at the end of each night. It is a love that knows that I value commitments irrespective of various opinions, and that’s what keeps us together.”
Adhitya, a software engineer based in Canada quotes as follows.
“Modern love is not anymore about hormones making one feel a certain way about another but rather a perspective that one pushes on oneself about another person. To most teens today, love is all about what they see everywhere in films and series. If they do not feel that way from head to toe or if the other person is not perfect, it’s not love to them. Modern love is no more about just being there, sharing your joy and providing a shoulder to cry on.”
Dipika, a software engineer based in the USA quotes as follows.
“Modern love is both heartfelt and a choice to stick with your partner through all the ups and downs. But I also feel that love has always been the same but just the way it is shown has changed. “
Patricia, a linguistics student based in Cork quotes as follows.
“To me, I guess modern love is overwhelming freedom without guidance because we’re all lost about what love actually is.”
All the above thoughts and opinions are possible because of Modern Love. According to me, Modern love is a love that breaks rules, questions stereotypes, challenges the norms and gives the freedom to choose. It gives you the courage to explore love beyond the said rules and expand your horizons to fit in whatever love you feel is suitable for you. It embraces all your perfect imperfections no matter the situation.